I was looking for ways to make amends

because there were things I had done 

that felt beyond reparation

and so when the unexpected moment arrived 

it took form as a mother pushing the grocery cart 

and her tiny daughter following close behind, smiling 

as if undisturbed by the weight I carried within, 

and then the mother knelt down 

and gave her tiny daughter a tiny kiss, 

and the joy of strangers all around 

that suddenly felt like family, because we had all

just witnessed this sacred account together,

and I knew then 

that all of my efforts had been in vain 

and my sadness was just a mirage, 

and that there were others in the world 

that had tapped into the wellspring of life, 

unknowingly creating beautiful moments 

for others like me as I sat by the window looking out, 

and all that I ever wanted since the day I was born 

was a way to be repaired for the things I had done

and how this moment that was free to me 

was amends for all that I could not pay back.