A time ago, a necessary drama,
girls giggling, gold skin like autumn
Something about the places
we had not yet been
or the places we should’ve gone, linger
an opportunity in the morning
the warmth in my guts, tingling
the warmth in my heart, glowing
here, at the very limits of myself
far more dangerous
than I ever imagined.
By the windows of time market
in the corner, by the giggling girls
I can still hear their laughter echo
through the canyon walls of my mind
Something is slipping through the cracks
as they drilled me into the ground
and then asked condescendingly
“What’s wrong with you? What’s the matter?”
(a young couple talks over breakfast)
They said that making me better
meant the destruction
of all that I’ve worked to build
In the corner, the girls are laughing
with invincible joy.
It feels good to write this down,
to see ink meet paper,
to see light in the room.
I actually think I might make it
when I hear the girls laughing.
Have you too been tainted?
Virgin hands holding the hot coupling.
Have you too died?
The world welcomes you
on that cold ground
eyes full of hope and wonder
(I pause to look behind me)
I start again.
The sound of laughing girls,
their skin untouched by the needle,
their skin pressed by the needle.
I did not know until then
how much it would affect me
ink on skin, and the giggles
that fell out of them so easily
the sun at my back
as they sit in front of me
talking face to face
able to face the drama
and still overcome.
It takes more effort to laugh now than it ever did.
In the back of the car
the red line on the pavement
that denotes the places I cannot go
To the places that make me
and the freedom
to reach the end of myself
(I nod my head in agreement)
It’s all a loss in the end
whether or not
the girls are laughing
But for this moment
I celebrate its victory
Over time and death.
(I stand up from my seat)
I really don’t want to leave this corner
by the windows of time market
next to the giggling girls,
but I also know I can’t stay.